A lot has happened in the past two
years. My two youngest children graduated high school and are currently in
their sophomore years in college. We visited neat places when we visited the
colleges and then we drove across country to deliver them to their prospective
colleges. We stopped the crater in Arizona, Myrtles Plantation, and visited
family along the way, saw Graceland and Pythian Castle in Missouri. My
oldest daughter got married and had a baby boy. So now I'm a grandma. We sold
our house, moved into our RV that we are living in full time, with 3 cats and a
dog. I had brain surgery in June 2015 for Chiari. And I've been recovering ever
since. So this is just a small update over the past two years. I plan on
chronicling more at a later date.
Thursday, April 21, 2016
Tuesday, April 19, 2016
It's a coping thing...
It's a coping thing...
Interesting observation on the above statement: I don't remember writing it. I came here to write a bit about what I'm feeling, thinking and there it was in black and white dated 1/08/2016. What was the "thing" assigned to cope? And for what in particular? As it is, I spend most of my day lost in Facebook. Time flying by and me oblivious to the event. I have all sorts of coping strategies available. I have books for reading, cross stitch, crosswords, cats, and yes, coloring books. C is for Coping. It's not that I'm not capable of using them; I forget those tools are there. Except the cats--they refuse to let anyone forget their existence. And on most days, they are a source of fun and entertainment. The problem is my memory, amongst a host of other things. I forget to take my medications, forget to eat and hydrate, forget to shower and when I do, I forget to either wash my hair, forgot I already washed it--three times, forget to rinse--everything. I forget to feed the cats but I have one, Winston, who will nibble my toes and that reminds me he's hungry. I have to set alarms to take my medication, pay bills, eat, but even then that's no guarantee I will remember to do it once I acknowledge it. So, I've had to go through and set everything up on auto draft for the bills. Our credit score is getting hit hard not due to lack of funds but for my forgetting. My husband is very busy with his job and me that he forgets. Plus I've handled all household management for years that it's not even a thought that occurs to him. My memory has become so bad I don't remember conversations or what I did the day before. There are times when I become disoriented and confused. I can't follow a conversation or if I'm out for a doctor's appointment I lose the direction I'm suppose to go in, forget what I needed to tell him, and freeze mid sentence because the thought is suddenly gone or I can't recall a word I need. It's so frustrating. Reading a book is a challenge. Especially if I don't commit to reading a chapter a day. Even then I have to back skim to review or it won't make sense. I've read books twice not recognizing that I've read it. Thankfully I have a Kindle so there's an indicator that I did indeed read a particular book whether I remember it or not.
Lately, I've been so off balance that I look like I'm drunk. I actually have the sensation of being drunk simultaneously with a hangover. I can't walk straight, I stumble, bump into things, and have fallen. Luckily the times when I have fallen, I fell into a chair or onto my bed or face plant onto the couch. At times I'm dizzy but not always. Nausea has been a problem too. I get nauseated walking to the bathroom. How ridiculous is that? I have three different medications for nausea. They hardly provide any relief. Thankfully, since my decompression surgery for my Chiari and a nerve block for my occipital neuralgia, I've not had many headaches, if I do, it's mostly migraines and the imitrex takes care of that. I do have a brain aneurysm. Right carotid--kinda behind the right eye. I have been having some pain behind and above my right eye but nothing horrendous. More annoying than anything. The balance issues, dizziness, nausea, memory problems make driving myself anywhere an issue. Taking my self to my appointments, running errands, just daily living are challenges. Actually, I'm not driving. My husband or a friend has to assist with transportation. Forget being a passenger in a moving vehicle. Chuck city. I have herniated discs in my neck that's just "kissing" the spinal cord. Who knows what role it's playing in my current demise.
I was so hoping to return to work. But so far, my body and memory are not cooperating. I've worked as a medical assistant, trained on the job, liked it, and wanted to get my certification. At this point, I wouldn't pass because I wouldn't remember what I was taught--that's if I can even make it to class much less stay for the duration. Most of my education has been in mental health and I worked as a Mental Health Technician and I liked that field of work. My thought was to combine them and go into psychiatric nursing. Right now, I feel those goals are beyond me. Out of reach. Unrealistic.
Adjustment issues. I'm having major adjustment issues. Reconciling my life now to what it was and what I had planned for my future. Am I having a little bit of a pity party right now? Yeah, maybe. it's been a hard year. Not even a year. Only 9 months since my surgery. A lot has improved Chiari related. There is no cure and I will always have it but a lot of the symptoms have either eased up or gone away. Others have gotten worse. Yes, the dizzy, unbalanced, and nausea are related but I believe the cause is related to something else. But maybe not. I really don't know what causing these problems. I have issue with blood pressure either being too high or too low, or suddenly dropping out. My pulse rate will accelerate for no reason. I could stand up and it will accelerate to numbers of running a marathon.
I'm not happy with my quality of life at this time. Hopefully we will find the cause for these problems and remedy it. At least to a level where I can function better than my current level. Something needs to change--for the better.
Interesting observation on the above statement: I don't remember writing it. I came here to write a bit about what I'm feeling, thinking and there it was in black and white dated 1/08/2016. What was the "thing" assigned to cope? And for what in particular? As it is, I spend most of my day lost in Facebook. Time flying by and me oblivious to the event. I have all sorts of coping strategies available. I have books for reading, cross stitch, crosswords, cats, and yes, coloring books. C is for Coping. It's not that I'm not capable of using them; I forget those tools are there. Except the cats--they refuse to let anyone forget their existence. And on most days, they are a source of fun and entertainment. The problem is my memory, amongst a host of other things. I forget to take my medications, forget to eat and hydrate, forget to shower and when I do, I forget to either wash my hair, forgot I already washed it--three times, forget to rinse--everything. I forget to feed the cats but I have one, Winston, who will nibble my toes and that reminds me he's hungry. I have to set alarms to take my medication, pay bills, eat, but even then that's no guarantee I will remember to do it once I acknowledge it. So, I've had to go through and set everything up on auto draft for the bills. Our credit score is getting hit hard not due to lack of funds but for my forgetting. My husband is very busy with his job and me that he forgets. Plus I've handled all household management for years that it's not even a thought that occurs to him. My memory has become so bad I don't remember conversations or what I did the day before. There are times when I become disoriented and confused. I can't follow a conversation or if I'm out for a doctor's appointment I lose the direction I'm suppose to go in, forget what I needed to tell him, and freeze mid sentence because the thought is suddenly gone or I can't recall a word I need. It's so frustrating. Reading a book is a challenge. Especially if I don't commit to reading a chapter a day. Even then I have to back skim to review or it won't make sense. I've read books twice not recognizing that I've read it. Thankfully I have a Kindle so there's an indicator that I did indeed read a particular book whether I remember it or not.
Lately, I've been so off balance that I look like I'm drunk. I actually have the sensation of being drunk simultaneously with a hangover. I can't walk straight, I stumble, bump into things, and have fallen. Luckily the times when I have fallen, I fell into a chair or onto my bed or face plant onto the couch. At times I'm dizzy but not always. Nausea has been a problem too. I get nauseated walking to the bathroom. How ridiculous is that? I have three different medications for nausea. They hardly provide any relief. Thankfully, since my decompression surgery for my Chiari and a nerve block for my occipital neuralgia, I've not had many headaches, if I do, it's mostly migraines and the imitrex takes care of that. I do have a brain aneurysm. Right carotid--kinda behind the right eye. I have been having some pain behind and above my right eye but nothing horrendous. More annoying than anything. The balance issues, dizziness, nausea, memory problems make driving myself anywhere an issue. Taking my self to my appointments, running errands, just daily living are challenges. Actually, I'm not driving. My husband or a friend has to assist with transportation. Forget being a passenger in a moving vehicle. Chuck city. I have herniated discs in my neck that's just "kissing" the spinal cord. Who knows what role it's playing in my current demise.
I was so hoping to return to work. But so far, my body and memory are not cooperating. I've worked as a medical assistant, trained on the job, liked it, and wanted to get my certification. At this point, I wouldn't pass because I wouldn't remember what I was taught--that's if I can even make it to class much less stay for the duration. Most of my education has been in mental health and I worked as a Mental Health Technician and I liked that field of work. My thought was to combine them and go into psychiatric nursing. Right now, I feel those goals are beyond me. Out of reach. Unrealistic.
Adjustment issues. I'm having major adjustment issues. Reconciling my life now to what it was and what I had planned for my future. Am I having a little bit of a pity party right now? Yeah, maybe. it's been a hard year. Not even a year. Only 9 months since my surgery. A lot has improved Chiari related. There is no cure and I will always have it but a lot of the symptoms have either eased up or gone away. Others have gotten worse. Yes, the dizzy, unbalanced, and nausea are related but I believe the cause is related to something else. But maybe not. I really don't know what causing these problems. I have issue with blood pressure either being too high or too low, or suddenly dropping out. My pulse rate will accelerate for no reason. I could stand up and it will accelerate to numbers of running a marathon.
I'm not happy with my quality of life at this time. Hopefully we will find the cause for these problems and remedy it. At least to a level where I can function better than my current level. Something needs to change--for the better.
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