Valentine's Day Pondering: Antivalentinism?

Antivalentinism: The forced observation of romantic love based on the idea that if a person is forced to profess their love to another (especially on a universally agreed-upon day), or else suffer the consequence of not doing so, then there is no free will in said expression and thus it is not love.

I do not get Valentine’s Day. I mean, I get the history, the origins, and the traditions of the Holiday. What I do not get is why it is so important to many people, especially women that on this particular day, the proclamation of love, adoration, etc is more significant than any other day. Aside from maybe the matrimonial anniversary, what makes this day so extraordinary? Many couples have had ferocious fight because the husband or boyfriend forgot to acknowledge the “love of his life” on this day. Someone walks away with a limp or missing limbs and that someone is most likely the man. Face it ladies, women are more likely to get twisted when this day is overlooked. Some women expect--demand even--that their mates be the one to bear the gifts and plan the activities. Woe unto the man who forgets! {Insert fangs and claws here}What about the other 363 days of the year? I know there are 365 days in a year, however, if you subtract Valentine’s Day and your anniversary—the two days that DEMAND acknowledging your partner—that leaves 363 to ignore them. Unless you misguidedly chose Valentines Day as your wedding day, then you are ignored 364 days of the year. Shouldn’t expressions of love be freely given without duress, without fear of losing a limb from an affronted partner, and not on any scheduled uniform day?

Most men do not put as much emphasis on the day as women. Do not get me wrong, there are some very sentimental romantic men out there who love to express their adulation for their spouse any chance they get, and this day provides them with another opportunity to do so. My husband is one such man. I, on the other hand, am not a sappy romantic and so do not put much value into Valentine’s Day. Therefore, my husband is usually the one pining and moaning about the lack of attention. However, he does say that he is fortunate that I am not a demanding female in constant need of reassurance of my husbands love and needy for his attention. The situation is rather opposite. If flowers or gifts should arrive, my first thought is “What day is this and what/who did I forget?”  Upon checking the calendar, I realize that it is either my anniversary or maybe Valentines Day. It is the days where nothing is observed that get me confused. Seriously, what did I forget this time?

Even children are not immune from this day. There are classroom celebrations where valentines are exchanged amongst classmates. The rub here is that even if a classmate absolutely loathes another classmate, it is still required to give that person a valentine, so to avoid hurt feelings. If a “valentine” is meant to be given to those we love, adore, like (note the positives here), why are children expected to give valentines to their bully or to classmates that they just do not get along with? As adults, we do not give Valentines to our exes (for those that have them).  I belong to the group of exes. I do not send mine a valentine and he reciprocates.  I understand that the school activity is a fun thing to do and let us face it, kids need as much fun in school as they can get, especially with the elimination of recess and other breaks in the day.

This is just my short perspectives and thoughts on the day. Concurrence is not necessary. For those who have partners, go have fun and celebrate. For those who are otherwise unattached for the moment, have fun celebrating your independence and the gift of love for yourself. For in order to love another, one must love themselves (no, not in self-obsessed absorbed perverted kind of way). I had to clarify. There are those reading this that would think just that. You know who you are.